the clock's ticking.

no doubt, time really had passed without a backward glance, not waiting for us to keep up. every second counts, they said..

looking back, i realize i was wasting my time all this time, yolo-ing. my studying hours has been reduced for watching movies, going out and sleep. studying becomes my second priority before realisation hits me like a truck that i won’t be proud of my self applying for jobs with a poor score on my certificate of graduation.

as i write this essay which is due on february 29th, i decided to bring myself together and come back to face reality. we have finished our practical exams, and as i wrote this, we’re doing our finals for the semester. talking about those practical exams….

it was the day we’re scheduled to do biology experiments on the laboratory. our score will be based on how we proved ourself doing 3 types of experiments. Testing urines, examining blood cell’s, and the last one will be between examining a fish inner organs and measure the breathing rate of 3 crickets. In order to examine the inner organs of a fish, we’d have to cut it’s skin an peel it off to see the inner part. every single step had to be done while the fish was still alive. I shuddered. i really had this ill feeling towards big fishes. i had told my friends about this and they agreed to switch with me if i got the fish and any of them got the crickets.

we had just finished testing urines, it was time to test my luck. i had convinced my self to think positive that i wouldn’t get the fish experiment. the teacher stood by my side and watched my every move as i took out one of the scrolled paper from the bowl. slowly and full of anticipation, i unrolled it. “Anatomy Ikan” is what’s written on it. Shit! feeling the blood drained from my face, i turned my head to tiffany and found out that she got the crickets. we’re suppose to switch but the teacher was there every second and took note of what we got. This meant i had to face my deepest fear. A stupid fish.

reluctantly, i walked to my seat and started to write the experiment report, taking my time. from the corner of my eye, i could see everyone rushing outside the lab to catch their fish and took it back to their station. Seriously? i try to walk casually in their direction, trying to quell my pounding heart. Holding a fish with my bare hands was definitely not my thing. my friends had come back into the room with their fishes in hand, and i cringed.

i was standing in front of a half-full bucket filled with gray water. Inside the water, only god knows how many fishes were there. My hands had been trembling as i tried to put my hand inside the water as an unpleasant smell covered my nostrils. Ew, i thought. after 5 minutes, i was still standing there, empty handed. suddenly the sound of footsteps startled me from my mortified state. Turned out, it was Bu Sari, the assistant to the 2 main biology teachers. Bu sari finally stepped forward and caught a fish for me. handing it to me, she asked me to hurry and get started.

back at my seat, i placed the fish on a surgery board, quickly draped the wash cloth so it covered all the fish in order to prevent it from flopping. The teacher walked around to see what we’re doing. When she and he were beside me, a bemused expression quickly flashed over their face. They asked where the fish was, and i just pointed to the washcloth. They opened the washcloth, revealing the fish’s head and it flopped to the air immediately, making me jumped in response. When he held the fish, it flopped again and i, for god-knows-how-many-times today, jumped and hid behind my friend. They just shaked their heads, amused at my childish behaviour. Jeez.

You could predict what i did throughout the hour, tho. I didn’t have the courage to stab the fish’ brain and cut it’s skin. I just sat there and finished my report without filling the ‘results’ and ‘conclusion’ part because i didn’t get anything without cutting the fish. Occasionally i glanced at Verisca who was busy cutting her fish beside me harshly, showing no mercy. It was nauseating to watch, and i flinched every time my fish (which was still under the washcloth) made a move.

the picture describes what i should have been doing. Even disgusting is an understatement.

Finally, the dreaded 35 minutes of hell has come to an end. My teacher asked me to return the fish back to the bucket. I held the fish with my washcloth, and took cautious steps towards the door and finally released it back to the water. I let out a breath i didn’t realise i had been holding.

I just pray i’d still pass the exam so my biology score on the certificate won’t be too embarrassing.

After the practial exam week, there's the finals week. and then there's Ujian Sekolah and Ujian Nasional. After that, we're free. Surely the clock's ticking and it doesn't wait for us. I think it's about time for a change. I really should pay attention at school and study harder. It'll be our last battle.